I’d like to share a suggestion with dads (and moms who may want to share with their husbands). Do what I did. Go talk with women about their experiences with their fathers.
You don’t need to do 50 interviews obviously. But find 3-5 women you know well, and who trust you. Tell them you’d like to learn from their experience as a daughter, so you can understand fatherhood from that perspective. Meet with them someplace quiet and private. And then ask them a few big questions:
1. What if anything did you get, or absorb, from your father that you really treasure?
2. What if anything didn’t you get from him that you long for now, as a woman?
3. What can you identify about his presence, or absence, that shaped you most?
4. If he is no longer alive, what would you say to him now, if you could?
You can of course ask questions along the way. But mostly let them talk. Let it get emotional if that’s where it naturally goes. Don’t get unsettled if they cry. Let the story come up and out, for as long as she wants to talk. Chances are, no one has ever asked her to share that story, and she will be thankful for the opportunity.
I hope more dads do this. Let me know how it goes if you do…
