Every TV and radio show I’ve appeared on since my book’s release asks about the lessons that came out of writing this book. And why not? Parenting is a challenge even under the best of circumstances. And most of us don’t get the best of circumstances.
I deliberately set out to learn about being a father to daughters by talking with daughters. I wanted to hear their stories from the heart, and learn the big lessons for dads as I think people learn best—through storytelling and emotion.
I hope you can read the book and take in the full emotional weight that comes through in the stories. After hundreds hours of conversation, transcribed over 1,500 pages, here what I learned from women who spanned seven decades and about 15 countries.
Remember this: Everything communicates. What we say matters, and what we do matters more. That’s one of the lessons I preach as a marketing strategist and consultant. While more and more dads are coming to understand that when it comes to their businesses lives, many seem to forget it when we get home.
Everything we do communicates something, usually subtly. If we’re disinterested in our daughters, they learn reluctance about their desirability. If we’re distant, they learn that relationships with men are distant. If we’re by her side as she grows up, she learns she’s worthy. If we work hard, if we’re spiritual, if we’re loving, she absorbs that too.
Our actions and lives lay down belief systems that act like software code in our daughters’ minds. We’re shaping our family cultures through how we behave, and our daughters are internalizing those cultures unconsciously as they grow up.
As dads we need to watch what we do. We can all think about it in the morning when we get up and think about it at night when we can reflect on what we did—or didn’t do. Giving our daughters the long straw in a dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about continually trying to get better.
Daughters—what did your dad communicate to you through what he did with his life?
Why do young unwed girls get them selves pregnant?
Hearing you recently speak on Joannie Greggins’s show about the father-daughter relationship, of course, made me think of my Dad. He died in 2005 at age 93. I felt lucky to be able to help the Hospice caregivers and be at his bedside for along with my Mom the week before and the day he passed.
As for fathering, I got the long and short of it
I am sure I am not alone on this subject. Why do young unwed girls get them selves pregnant?
Growing up Catholic in the 1950′s, my Dad was afraid of hugging me or showing affection because he thought it might look like incest. Therefore, Janet is seeking affection and gets herself pregnant in 1962 at age 16, going to an all girls Catholic School and had to give this child up for adoption. Don’t get me wrong, I had a wonderful hard working Dad, my parents were married 69 years. Hearing your question on Joannie’s show asking about one of my most memorable moments with my Dad, I knew I had to email you. It was when I was sick and had to vomit and my Dad would get behind me over the toilet bowel and hold my belly while I threw-up. Being held like that I felt so loved and cared for. This memory is bringing tears to my eyes.
I know a few unwed women who got pregnant and gave their children up for adoption. It might be interesting to find out about their relationships with their fathers.
Thank you for having us refleck and understand more, about our relationships with our fathers.
With Gratitude,
Ms J